04/30/13 

It’s 3:30 in the morning, and I’m crying. Loneliness has taken over me as if it was the the dark sea, paralyzing my ship. But still, I need to remind myself the temporariness of a day and it’s obscurity in my life. However, this loneliness haunts me. It haunts my dreams, where I’m afraid to close my eyes, cursed by the nightmares, it haunts my day, where I’m afraid it may come with surprise and greet me a warm, yet violent “hello”. I feel tired, tired of the heartbreak. At first, heartbreak made me beautiful, my skin fluoresced, drunk on my pain. I ate this hunger, loss left me strangely whole. My own heart will empty me, allowing my own self to bleed, although I am loved, this love is evil. This love use to give me warmth, through the ember in my eyes, words came like honey. Remember the night I loved you? I said “forever” and I meant it with it’s entirety, yet lost now, my limp body lays at your feet. In this dry burn of dawn, after the last of the lashes and the thorns. I wasn’t made for this. I use to call you a miracle, my face unraveled, through the magic of our love. I begged for you to promise, “I promise”. That day I fell in love, my body spilled your name. You did not touch me, you watched my hips, my hair, my body. I turned to leave, and you used my name as a choke chain. Lucifer and Hesperus across a sky with no horizon, a life with no beginning or end. Sunrise and sunset. A light that burns only to remind us that darkness that surrounds it.

Is the good really worth the bad if the bad is unbearable?